So, you bought a new car, the Joneses went and bought and SUV. You bought a flat screen TV, the Joneses installed a home theatre system. You put in a swimming pool, they bought Sea World. Keeping up with the Joneses can be as infuriating as the fact that millions of people watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Why spend a life of frustration trying to keep up, when you can blow your competition away before the starter pistol has even fired?
The Joneses live in a house right? Well my friend, you won’t have to keep up with anyone when you go out and buy a castle.
That’s right. Your very own castle. Think about it: Dungeons, a draw bridge, towers from which to shoot crossbows…the possibilities are endless. Not to mention the fact that after every sentence you ever spoke from now on, you get to say “I live in a castle.”
So how does one purchase a castle? Well for starters you’d have to move to where the castles are. The fact that you’re reading this means there’s a strong possibility that you speak and understand the mysterious language known as English, in which case you’ll probably want to move to either England, Ireland, or certain parts of Scotland. If you want to stay in boring North America, you can visit here and here for a list of castles in the United States or Canada respectively, although most of these aren’t for sale.
Naturally, castles are very expensive ranging anywhere from $500,000 to $5,000,000 and beyond. For the older ones, restoration is pretty much a constant project and they are often poorly insulated, making them very expensive to heat. Once you own it however, you can make a return on your investment by either renting it out for people to live or to hold events like parties and weddings, charging tourists to visit through it, or by transforming it into a bed and breakfast.
Whatever the case, at the end of the day, anything those lowsy no-good Joneses say to you you can simply reply “Oh yeah? Well I own a castle.”
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