I was at the local office supply store not to long ago and there was a poor guy there who just wanted to grab a paper shredder and go. He couldn’t find where they were located in the store, so he made a mistake he’ll probably regret the rest of his life.
He asked a salesman for help.
Biff, the smiling, squeaky-clean, and oh-so-knowledgeable associate came trotting over, more than eager to help. He showed the customer the full line of shredders, from the simple basic model to the super deluxe. As the man reached for the basic model he was interrupted by the associate who was determined to sell him a shredder that could cut in ten different directions, dispense an ink dissolving chemical, and enroll him in the witness protection program; all with the flip of a switch.
He went on to explain about evil men who lurk outside at the curb, just waiting for the night when the trash is hauled out. There’s gold in them-there trash cans you know, and there are those who will sell gold online. Evil men make their living retrieving all the shredded paper looking for names, numbers, and anything else that might help them become us. According to Biff, apparently a simple, one-cut shredder wasn’t good enough because the evil men could glue the strips back together. And we know that in this easy world of computer hacking, where unprotected computers are like ripe apples for the picking, modern day evil men would rather play jigsaw puzzles with our trash.
Who are these ne’er-do-wells who have nothing better to do than pilfer my recycling bin? Do they crash weddings, leaving the diamond wedding rings to steal the confetti? Do they buy stuff off of eBay just to go through the shredded paper used by the shipper? And if they really are going through my trash bin, I wonder if they care about the envelops and junk mail. I guess I’d better be sure to completely wipe out all my mail, especially that stuff sent to “resident”.
Well anyway, Biff kept at it until he wore the man down, then helped him out the door with his new super deluxe all-in-one paper shredder and government agent. I left the store empty handed after all the commotion made me forget why I had gone there in the first place. Turning the corner on to my street, I realized what a strange coincidence it was that it just happened to be my garbage night. And then I remembered: I was as out of ink dissolver.
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